Detour or not Detour...that is the question...

Things I have discovered:

- new environment + no work+ no companionship = anxiety, helplessness, and isolation

- repetition = boredom

- repetition + curiousity = discovery

I've been spending about half to 2/3rds of my time at the parks...there's a distinct amount of time playing "catch-up" - timw spent riding the rides you love, enjoying the attractions from memories past. Then there's discovery - discovering new, unpatronized, missed, or previously closed attractions - over a dozen total, half of which were Magic Kingdom and Epcot. After that, there's curiosity. First day at each park was centered around fitting in as much as possible..yet the last day at Magic Kingdom was discovering details - corners, dead ends, patterns, surfaces...and the question is: will another day at the others reveal the same?

The Right Reasons...

I've been feeling conflicted over the last day, and it became more apparent as I whittled away the day at Epcot yesterday...

I've been excited about Imagineering since the middle of last year - getting to design environments and places that are theatrical combined with the environment of a place that, when experienced, becomes magical. From the moment I was introduced to it as a spectator, I believed in the idealism of it - the desire to shape the world into a future of joy and fun and making things work. Design with a purpose. Dreaming towards the future.

As the dream took shape as a plan, certain things came up. The Fiancee did not want to leave NYC. I was fearful of this, but needed to continue nonetheless. I would have to move to Florida if I was to do this for any extended period of time. The same feeling. California has most of the Imagineers. But I want to be near the parks. a lot of uncertainty about everything but the grand prospect of finding a dream job.

I knew for certain that I was unhappy in my previous job. I constantly felt pushed around, underutilized for my talents, and knew that I wasn't growing creatively. I had also known months before that I was straying from my path - that I wasn't doing what I needed to be doing. I was terrified to return to freelance out of fear that I wouldn't be able to make a living. I was unhappy and I knew I needed to do something to get away from that. Every moment seemed to be about wanting to escape from all my stressors. About not wanting to deal with the world around me. For those who have been through the same, I have heard that this is typical...

And then I resigned, and then freelance begin while I prepared for this month.

and everything changed.

We all want certain things because of what we may lack - certain emotional necessities, that when fullfulled, negate the pull that the want has on our lives. I was a designer in a production-centric company with a huge lack of structure. I was either to scared or not ready to take control of it, and felt surrounded by too many people who were pushing for their own things. I work better in collaborative environments with clear communcation and clear structure.

Although I was able to complete my work, it was killing me emotionally. every time I tried to create structure for myself, I never felt like I had the time to make it work. too many demands, too many people, too much chaos. It still makes me want to scream when I think about it. Like my creative voice was being ripped out of my mouth every day. I was told by the Boss when I left that he felt that I had always done a good job, but I have found it difficult to believe anything I was told, good or bad, by anyone there, because there were so many different voices saying completely different things - after a time, all voices had lost credibility. Everyone had criticism of everyone else.

And now, having stepped away from it, I feel like I can breathe again. And discovering that there are people out there who want to work with me on projects, and who want to help me build a business, and will do it on my terms...

It changes everything.

I no longer need to get away. in fact, I no longer want to. I get to, and in many ways am forced to take charge in order to make it work. I'll have to be willing to make a complete fool of myself, whichis one of my big fears. I hate looking like an idiot. Yet here I am, admitting my fears, so that i can no longer use them as excuses to anyone.

I get to be creatively challenged by working on new things and new subjects - I can create the opportunites to do what I want as a freelancer..I can dabble in subjects and mediums and can decide who to work for and not. I've always operated off the professional assumption that I'm just a fish in the pond next to a lot of other identical fish - that I depend on others saying "you are different" for individuality rather than going out on my own and distinguishing myself from the other fish. I have made a habit of waiting for calls rather than calling and making things happen.

So where does this put me with going for Disney? Now, I no longer want to "get away" - I don't want to be gone for long periods of time. I also discovered, walking through the parks by myself, that a good part of the fun it going there with other people - sharing it. I also don't want to be trapped in a position anymore. The people I see on LinkedIn are 5-10 year veterans, not independent contractors. All the reasons for doing this have been dissolving, and I feel like I'm not reaaly pursuing the leads that i could because my wants have changed, and that my perspective has widened - that I see so many more possibilities...and that, unless I can do it on my own terms, that the commitment will take me too far away from the things that I really find important - too much compromise for too little payoff.

I'm a firm believer that you are the difference that you make in the world - and have felt that, when out of work, that I am making no difference at all. That I, in many ways, don't exist.

Believing in myself has been difficult. to be clear, I know that I am talented, smart, and organized. I can be thoughtful, giving, compasionate, diplomatic, friendly, and outgoing. But I havent had confidence in that...for whatever reason...survival at the Job, reacting to my environment, etc. it doesn't matter, really.

The Fiancee has been believing in me all along, through my doubts about myself and the hatred I had of the situation I was in, and I feel like I've been betraying her trust by not believing her, by wanting to get away, and for making her feel like her opinions didn't count. I haven't been involving her, and when she has tried to help, I've been stubborn and made excuses. She's deserved better than that.

In the end I get to decide how best to use the month. is Disney the objective? only if brings me happiness, and only if the conditions are right. i know what I don't want to compromise on. and that's where i need to grow. Living the life i want isn't always about keeping to something no matter what. it's about growing.

The first day.. a first obstacle...and the reason why I'm here.

So, after a unique and exciting afternoon in the Magic Kingdom, done as a treat for myself before getting to work, I wake up earlythe next morning, get dressed in my good suit, and head to the casting center. it's everything I had heard of (the entrance rotunda w/statues, the ramp with murals) and I begin to wait by the reception desk to see if I can set up a walk in interview. after a few minutes, a man walks by, and when asked if I can see someone in professional recruitment, tells me that they (nor the guest services) does walk in interviews.

I was shocked. EVERYONE had told me to do the walk-in...however, everyone I knew had been working there for a few years. Had the job market gotten that competitive? were the pickings that slim? I headed back to the apartment, the wind slowly dissipating from my sails...what do I do know? How am I supposed to get a job now? I had been looking at the professional job boards for weeks, and knew that the pickings were slim. And after getting back, a similar look at the guest services (7.50 an hour jobs) made me feel worse? Would I be stuck here with nothing to do but wait?what would be the purpose? should I just cut my losses and go home? The fact that what I felt was the first and 90% only step in getting a job there, I was at a loss for what to do.

So I napped and went into a daze. I knew it wouldn't help, but I also knew I had to go through it.

The Fiancee texted a bit later to ask how it was going...and I told her. She reminded me that it was only day 1, which at first made me feel worse (what do I do for the next 27 days?) and that there were more ways to go about this that the burecratic way - and in the end, she was a great help. i put a shout out on Facebook to see if anyone knew anyone, I texted my friend inside (who told me he'd check with a friend inside) and I wrote to all the contact people I had within the company.

In addition, I decided to make a list of things I could do to continue to be productive, whether they were Disney or not (freelance, enjoy the parks, etc.) and the reminder to myself to get out of the house, which is so deathly quiet during the day... In the end, I have to remember that I'm here to have fun. I came here because I thought it would be fun to be here and work here, and that if I didn't enjoy it, to go back home. I can sit in front of this computer and search all day for freelance, and names of Disney people, but if I'm miserable doing it, and missing out on all the stuff that I love to do here, it's not worth it. So, off to Epcot!

Retasking the blog...

So, having abandoned the bookstore project (until further notice), the blog is being re-used for my current project - to find design work at Walt Disney World. More soon.

Character...

An anonymous commenter stated recently that the new Pistilli Co-op apartments at Astoria Park  " should be demolished and some real 2 family homes put up there instead, ones that reflect the real character of Astoria, not some marketing scheme ".   Although I disagree with some of what they said as, in the end, it is all a matter of opinion. 

I realized there was an important question to be asked, which is: 

- What determines the character of a neighborhood?

- Is it static, or constantly evolving? 

- Is bringing in something adverse to what the community has been a good or bad thing? 

The more questions I ask, the more I realize that there's no right or wrong answer. A neighborhood is more than its housing, and character is more than just style or tradition. The Riverview apartments have the potential to be their own community, as can the Acropolis complex. Personally, I have always wanted there to be loft apartments in Astoria...and bringing in people who can afford the apartments may also bring in a demand for nicer cafes, stores and the like. 

Logistically, it would seem that the building is creating MORE housing than if two family housing were built in the same location. Is it creating more expensive housing? From the perspective of a renter, yes...most of the mortgage payments plus maintenence is beyond what I can comfortably pay per month. However, the asking price for the units is a bargain compared to the rest of the neighborhood for purchasers. In addition, most of the new two family housing that has been built in Astoria could be considered as equally gaudy as what the Riverview is to it's detractors.

And quite frankly, I am of this opinion: If you've going to criticize something/someone, be specific, be articulate, and be thorough. Otherwise, you end up lacking credibility, which has more impact than all your words combined. Most of the hostile and impassioned words spoken on the subject of the building have been written poorly, vaguely, and inarticulately...which, as I hope, is not a reflection of the people who have written them. Nothing worth writing has been written quickly. I wrote this entry over the course of a workday, and am glad for it. 

Choose your words carefully.

The List... (no, not the one on Heroes)

1.Get others on Board
make list of all existing helpers and projects
send e-mail to all survey responders
compose survey e-mail
re-assign all current participants
write city officials
press release
blog entries
meet with Bill Everson
meet with Mano
meet with Fatty's owners

2. Create Fundraiser
Expand BYOBook party idea
Ask Amanda to help create/organize event
List possible venues
Create fundraising goal
Discuss ways of funding with Dana
Create way to donate thru blog
Contact blog readers and astorians forum about involvement

3. Plan for Investors
get in touch with SCORE experts
research bookstore plans online
acquire bookstore/retail supply catalog online
Daedelus Bookseller Info
Email to Andy about figuring out costs
Look back and review current plan

4. Business Costs

5. Create PR awareness
approach schools about being supplier/after school programs
approach board of education about supplying
talk with principals about possibility of after school programs
start posting more frequently in Astorians Forum
start asking questions to others in forum
ask Bill to plug idea
ask businesses to post teaser poster
create teaser card
possible naming contest
ask forum members to spread the word
approach SITE design

6. Location
approach commercial real estate brokers
get a sense of median prices
find commercial real estate lawyer

7. Branding
Call Dayna about logo design
Period graphic design sources research
Shop America book
Official concept statement
Design for swag
Mugs shirts stationary glasses bookmarks stamp invoice
Storefront teaser posters
In-store graphic design
Library card design idea

8. Design Concept
re-visit concept statement
organize appropriate research
collect/scan period research
create style guide

Creating a plan...to keep moving forward.

Ironically, the very thing I've been putting off is the key to getting things done.

Along with being occupied with other projects, I hadn't sat down to create the list of what I needed to get done to move forward (planning my work) - and, as a result, once again, it's kept me from making progress.

And it's not just making the big chores list, but also splitting it into the small chores list - the laundry list that can be done piece by piece, in no particular order.  and if those tasks still seem too big, it can be split into something smaller..until, even if it is 1000 tasks, they are all manageable.  like a 1000 piece puzzle, it will get easier as you go along.  so the next post will be that list...by section/subject, from the basic to the specific...reverse engineer what needs to be done.

Growth of the Neighborhood...

I had the opportunity to visit Crescent & Vine, a new wine bar in the neighborhood, and was pleased to see yet another example of a new business that is catering to the fact that ours is a neighborhood whose demographics is gradually growing younger, and that, in order to both survive and grow as a community, has to let go of the traditional types of businesses that have existed up until now...

To clarify...it's not about the type of business you bring in...it can be a nail salon, it can be a deli, it can be a DVD rental store...any business will work as long as you allow the community to engage and create it, and as long as you connect with the community that you're part of.  Cookie cutter businesses, as long as they provide for a strong demand, will survive.  Starbucks, T-Mobile, etc. can survive in most neighborhoods provided the service is reliable.  However, independent stores WILL NOT THRIVE without engaging the needs and interests of the community.

I've read enough blogs and forums to observe that people's opinions of a place can be extremely varied and inconsistent.  Everyone's experience of a place will be quite different, depending on their expectations and opinions...so, for me, to complain about the quality of a store is irresponsible unless you let your complaint be known to the establishment.  Are the drinks overpriced? Let them know.  Is there too much ice in that ice coffee? tell them.  You're the customer, and you have the power to shape their business.  You don't have to resign to paying their prices, and you don't have to stop going or bad-mouth a place to make a difference.

Back from where the sidewalk ends...

Having been gone for the last few weeks, I was surprised (pleasantly), at the new responses from my last post, so I intend to be following up during the next few days on all of them.

My absence was a result of a projection design gig that I had- and the story was a culmination of interviews, copious research, and news footage (which became my job to show, amongst other things)...and, to celebrate that project's completion, I went on vacation for a few days.

So, an update: the space had potential, but, quite honestly, we're not ready to move on it, mainly because:

1: The cost of everything has not been thought out, nor has the financial plan been written out...

2: Money has yet to be raised, and investors have yet to be brought on...

I have also been spending a good amount of time on re-designing my portfolio and mailing them out to numerous theatres. That now having been done, I will have much more time to devote to making progress with the bookstore, as I am encouraged by the community response thus far. I also plan to focus less on non related events in this blog, as a.) they're none of your business, and b.)pulling focus from what I really want to talk about and get in action with.

A new opportunity...

I received a call yesterday from the real estate office that I had called regarding the space on Ditmars and 28th... they're interested in having a bookstore there (which makes my job easier, baing that they're "on my side". Although I was planning on going to the gym, it was something worth skipping in order to get to see it before I go to little Rock this weekend.

The space has a lot of potential....it's a great amount of space, and it's lower ceiling for the back half may actually help give it a greater sense of intimacy.  the price is very reasonable, and the fixer-upper back garage area could make a kick-ass cafe area/reading room. And it has a full glass front facade. I had often wondered how I was going to be able to visualize a space given a bare store, but even with the slats meant for product shelving walls in the way, it's easy to see what you can do with a space.  I almost wish all the money was in place already, as the real estate agents are willing to talk the landlord down...

Once I figure out how to add photos to a blog post, I will update this with pictures (meaning once I have an extra fifteen minutes tomorrow) with ideas and comments.

Better yet, here's the link to the Flickr pictures.

Commitments...

Realizing, as I look through these posts, that I have not been in action the way I wish I was about the bookstore - It's trickles here and there.  but I also have to put into account that I've had a lot of things on my plate, one of which will be done as of Wednesday  - my current portfolio. However, i also have a show coming up that will keep e busy through the middle of September, starting the 2nd - so don't expect to hear anything from me, as I have a prior commitment.

Taking a lot of projects on is difficult, especially when you don't know who to give what in order to get it done quicker.  is there someone who could take over part of the business plan?  someone who would know how much things cost?  Perhaps a new e-mail to Andy might help...

The 'rents...

I was able to get in touch with a real estate office that is dealing with a now-extinct computer store - right on Ditmars and 28th...ends up there's much more to the store than I thought...about 1600 sq. ft, to be exact - a good size.  and the rent seems reasonable - and they like the idea of a bookstore in the 'hood. which will help.  and they want me to see the place...

More later - in a hurry.

Why I'm doing this...

I was browsing through Astorians, a neighborhood forum site, when I came across the section labeled POLITICS/RANTS.  Curious, I decided to see what was up for discussion.

There was a 4 page discussion where a number of people had were taking the stance that Astoria is deteriorating - equating the fact that there are fast food places and convenience stores as a sign that there is no stable family life, or that the large influx of single people is an indicator of a "dorm mentality"...I could go on for a while, but what frustrated me is that a good number of people in the forum discussion were formulating conclusions rather than asking questions...that rather than asking what could be done about what they considered to be "wrong" or "bad", they simply stated their complaint, neglecting the opportunity to get into action.  

In addition, I was wondering what neighborhood they could possibly be talking about.  The only thing that made sense to me was that a good number of these people were only seeing what they wanted to see to reinforce their beliefs.   Yes, yes, I know, we all do that to one degree or another.  I think what bothers me is how much they're missing out on by dismissing the possibilities in the neighborhood, or embracing what is already present.

Molly had asked me the other evening whether Astoria Park is safe at night.  I've always been of the belief that it's basically safe, but as crow is not a bird I like to dine on frequently, i figured, as I was ahead of schedule, to check it out for myself.  On the way there, I was noticing the stores and places that were on the way, and how great they all are - and that the newer cafes and stores have brought more life to the hood than the places that closed before them.  As I got to the park, noticing the restaurant at the north corner, I couldn't imagine a place being there if it weren't safe.  

Walking through the park, I noticed that the paths were well lit, but the lawns were not...that the river was lit and people could enjoy the view.  That middle aged people were walking their dogs, and a couple of people were jogging through the park.There was one hooded guy sitting on a bench that may have been "suspicious", but I've also seen the same guy there in the middle of the day on the weekend.  He is a bit creepy, but I've never seen him stand up - ever.  I also walked past the building we're considering moving into to see how it's lit at night, and was happy to see a lot of light at street level, and a lit terrace up above.

To get to the point from a tangent (is that mathmatically possible? I think so), I'm attempting to create this bookstore because I believe in this neighborhood.  lots of single people is great - have a singles night.  lots of delis are great - advertise at them.  Your home is not you place to deal with, but to shape.  If you don't want to be part of a neighborhood, live in an isolated condo tower.

A clarification...

In the previous post, I was responding to posts ( albeit posts that were a year old ) regarding a property that Molly and I are considering to buy into, and I was somewhat perturbed by a post that that had no firsthand knowledge of the place that they were referring to...

However, the title of the post was "Why Astoria will never be cool...", using the new building and the renovation, which, on it's backside, is quite a bit out of place in comparison to the front side - and that the renovation failed to retain the aged sensibility of the industrial building, which is a hallmark for NYC lofts - the cool factor.  Could the building have been renovated in a hipper fashion? Of course...but cool will and has always changed.  I will sacrifice cool if it means that I could sell the place in a few years for a huge profit.  Or to be happy with where I'm living...

On the book front, both of us bought books on mortgages that will get that doe-eyed look off our face in regards to the whole process...

Real Estate - One way or Another...

I spent the other morning combining biking and scouting for new properties for rent and ownership - and found more places for rent to replace places that had been taken...well, gee, I thought, they'll always be places to rent...so now I'm in the process of putting it all together in terms of what it's all going to cost, and then formulate a game plan...

...while, at the same time, preparing to send out 3 dozen copies of my portfolio to major regional theatres across the country....

...while working full time for the next month and a half....

...while, as a new development, pursuing the possibility of moving into a co-op apartment building with Molly, which would involve a mortgage, but would be a dream home with a view of Manhattan and at the edge of Astoria Park.

Now, I had been reading another blog which criticized the building for being ugly, overpriced, of shoddy construction, and just plain being uncool.  Having actually been the only person of all the people commenting who had actually been in the building, toured the apartments, talked with the sales staff, and started the paperwork to pursue owning a 1 BR apartment in it IN ADDITION TO BEING A DESIGNER...I have this to say...

1. Yes, the neighborhood side of the building looks like the back of an Orwellian cruise ship, and is in an unremarkable beige - but then again, the vast majority of newer apartments in the neighborhood fare no better in their decor.  Astoria, regrettably, is known for it's flat fronted, faux-Gothic facades, ostentatiously decorated wrought iron fenced, ALLEY-BACKED, flat topped buildings.  We will never have the Victorian history of Brooklyn and Manhattan...the back end of the building is not attractive at all.  Neither are most big residential buildings.  However, they have done a reasonably good job with the front, which is what most people in the park are going to see.

2. No one can criticize the interior unless they've seen it, and therefore, let me criticise.  the interior hallways are labyrinthine and devoid of natural light, with a reasonably average carpeting that you'd expect from a hotel.  the views from the terraces on the interior are unremarkable from the lower level, and the laminate flooring could use some work. The kitchen fixtures are small and generic, and the kitchen cabinets could be MUCH more stylish.  There are obstructions in some of the lofts.

THAT HAVING BEEN SAID:

The spaces themselves have a nice and airy feel - all the spaces feel clean and livable and the proportions of the rooms give a sense of comfort.  The lofts are refreshing and graceful, and they have created enough character to compensate for the complete lack of any "loft"coolness from exposed brick or girders.  The place will alter to fit tenants needs, and there are no creaky floors.  The views in some of the places are spectacular.  And those not fortunate enough to have a loft get a terrace or balcony to enjoy the outside air, which the lofts do not include.  The amenities are spectacular...

also, regarding the cheapness and generic-ness of the fixtures:  most people who own will alter to fit their tastes - usually starting with the kitchen - cause it's theirs.  so why should a building swing for a high end appliance when it'll be replaced in a few years during a renovation by the owner.  that it the primary thing I saw in the spaces - the ability to make them our own.  And right now , the prices are great - far better than what a craptacular house in the neighborhood will be asking for more space than you'll want with no storage....ah yes, I forgot about that...big closets - walk in closets, and multiple tenant storage rooms on each floor...and a fitness center...as for the asking prices - well, you'll just have to check the place out to see whether it's worth it.  No use in complaining from the outside.

One step closer...

to a name for the place - 

Molly, after spending a few days continuously reading Harry Potter novels, suggested the name

Reade, Wright, and Moore Books...which, quite honestly, is a nice play on words, slightly cheeky, and just the right touch of the hoity and the toity...What're your thoughts?

Back to Work...and an ethical question...

North Carolina (Winston-Salem, to be exact) was a peaceful trip, and things went smoothly business-wise...and now I return to the Brooklyn crawl....

I was walking down 34th street today and saw that a street vendor was selling Robert Greene's The 33 Strategies of War.  considering that I didn't even know that it had come out, I stopped to take a look...and ended up buying it for $5 cheaper than in a bookstore...was I cheating the business that I am creating? Was I being a shrewd NYer by finding a better deal, means be damned? was I supporting illegal bookselling?  Does it matter?  What is the impact?  and furthermore, what if the impact of my reading it is much greater?  Anyone who has read Robert Greene's books knows that there is a metaphorical aspect to the laws he writes about  - in the Art of Seduction, he could be talking about seducing someone sexually, intellectually, or creatively - as is the same with warfare, or more simply put, conflict.  Conflict will always exist, and the book, as it turns out, centers around strategizing within conflict to come out empowered....given the space I've just relegated to talking about the book realted to about the bookseller, which do you think has ultimately had the bigger impact on the world?

Possibilities, Possibilities...

I sat down and made progress creating a calendar for putting this whole thing together...as some of my friends may know, I recently embraced the magic of the Palm Pilot daily planner, which has enabled me to get about twice as much done as improvising.  So, along in the same vein, I've embraced the chi of iCal by assigning days for different tasks.  Given my predeliction for being overambitious with waht I want to get done at any given time, it has emerged as a great way to keep sane and be able to make progress and planning without becoming overwhelmed - especially in regards to discovering when and where you have free time to get things done.  As a result, I have planned out getting a smaller project done by the end of the second week in August by figuring out how long it will take to get each task done....so by the end of it, three dozen copies of my portfolio will have gone out to three dozen theatres, and at as minimal of an expense as possible.

In addition, it has also caused me to be watching much less TV, which is both a blessing and a curse...call it a silver lining with a cloud...

Back just to leave again...

Montauk was amazing, and just what I needed to recharge...and I got to spend the entire week with the missus...which leads me to:

Molly, my girlfriend - we've been together as long as I've had this project going, I love her dearly.  I would be happy to post her picture, but will refrain from doing so until I get her permission to do so.  be aware behind every bit of progress with this project, is her continued love and support.  I figured, though, that it was time to acknowledge her part in all of this.

I also leave at the end of the week to finish rehearsals for a re-mount of a show I designed in February - and I'll be back Monday...progress will be made this week, however, starting tomorrow morning.

Cheers.

Taking a week away...

For those interested, i am taking a week's vacation in Montauk with friends - a blessing, considering that my continued and constant efforts have given me a mild cold....go figure.  I will be on the internet during the week ( go wireless!!!) and will be creating paperwork progress, responding to e-mails, etc...but taking it physically easy...so, toodles!